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Adrian

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((1) | Cmt )

life [06 Jun 2007|11:00am]
has been good :)

my friends are amazing.

there's a girl, who i dont know, who i'd love to meet, but sucks and makes me but a lot of ice cream for nothing. she tooo, even though i've yet to meet her, is amazing. definetely the kind of girl i would like to befriend, and later ask for her hand in courtship. well, not courtship, cuz that's no fun, haha. dick.

got em'

((1) | Cmt )

[28 Mar 2007|09:05pm]
yeah.
well im not asking for pitty mija.
have your fun.
im not askin for you back, and yesterdays little post had nothing to do with adrian or anything. just a lot of shit was lame, mostly school.
and what i was talking about was you not really talking to me anymore, and thats all i want is for you to really be my friend, and it hurts more than ever, the fact that i lost a good friend.
thats what im complaining about.
the fact that i lost my friend.
i ask how you are, and i get like two word responses.
i know better than to try and make you feel sorry for me, it only makes you mad.
i dont try and do anything mija.
i really dont think you ever really cared what i felt.
but thats all over.

the point is.
lesly isnt my friend, and thats not what she said would happen.
i just want my friend.

im not mad about the shit you're doin i've already had dates too. it doesnt really matter les, and although i wish it wasnt adrian you were talking to, he already asked if it was cool he was talking to you. i pretty much put in a good word for you, so chill out. im not holding you back from anything. im telling you the truth when i say that the reason im pissed and unhappy is cuz my friend isnt there anymore. thats all, really.

(Cmt )

[27 Mar 2007|08:26pm]
i just dont understand some things mija.
all i ever did for you was try and make you feel like you were the most wonderful girl in the world. cuz to me you are.
im sorry about whatever it was that i did.
i never made you feel like i didnt love you, i dont think.
sorry for complaining, you dont have to read.
all i want is for you to be my friend.
because you're the best friend that i had, have still. tuh.
you're mad, cuz im right.
cuz you know that everything happend like i said it would.
just dont forget me mijita.
dont through away all of the things i've given you, dont through away our scrap book, you swore you'd leave your ring on, please please keep your word. if its the only word you keep.

i love you gummy bear, i love you.

(Cmt )

[27 Mar 2007|06:15pm]
glad everything's goin great.
you've done everything i always told you that you would.
check.
check.
check.
you did everything you always said you wouldnt.
check.
check.
check.
and another fucking check.


well i guess, im glad everyone's doing great really.
it seems like everything is bright and happy.
spring time ya know?
haha.

my teachers called my mom before spring break cuz they were "concerned" about me.
they think im nuts.
oh yeah, i am.

fuckin 47 in physics. (woooo 47)
56 in algebra.
68 in french? fucking bitch.

i dont even know if im gonna get credit for math and science.

i guess this is what i get for being a fuckin amazing ass person.

some people gotta add this shit to hear me complain. its fucking great.


fuck, i've been beatin to a pulp. i hope it was fun :)

(Cmt )

[19 Mar 2007|09:22am]
i dont think i can do this.
nothing about it feels right.

it wasnt the best kiss.
but, really, it's never felt so good.

i want my mom to leave me alone tuh.
and i wanna be back in europe.
i have more waiting for me back there, than i do in my own home.

do whatever you want.
just miss you.

((2) | Cmt )

[07 Mar 2007|05:25pm]
i'll paint you a pretty picture with a song.
with perfect valentines.
and tullips that never die.
my words are no longer any use, but if you knew that fire that burned inside of me im positive you'd remember.
im sorry.
but im afraid that im in love.

the prettiest little girl you ever did lay eyes on, and a beatiful baby boy.
no thunder where we're going.
only rain.
only snow.
the keys to a house with the arms that great you.
and the shit appartments before her.
there NO place like home.

i refuse to believe i was filler, i refuse to believe that the best year of my life never happend.
did i just keep her for YOU?
i dont believe that.
cuz she cried tears for me, she cried tears with me.
with me, with adrian.
she held me real close, and looked into my eyes and she tells me everything she wants to do when we both get out of here, together.

i pulled her out of the shit you had her in.
i held her close and convinced her she was a wonderful girl, and that I loved her, and would do anything in my power to take care of her, and make sure she never forgot that her place in my heart was big.
i showed her the way home, and she showed me that this home i had been dreaming about had a door, and a key, and that it was really there, that it really did exist.
and when shit got scary, she was the one that pulled my eyes shut, i wanted to see so badly, i wanted to see what was going on, but she held her hands over my eyes tightly and held me even closer and told me everything will be ok.
i still remember why she threw my hand, and she started crying so hard, with me, and held me close to her body.

i fucking hate you with every piece of me. stop trying to defeat me, there, you've won. you're shit stuck under my shoe, and the very scum of this earth despises everything you stand for. i know that feeds your ego, i know. i know, and i dont care anymore, you've taken my life away from me. cant you go fuck something else dude? cuz i know brotha. i know dude. i fucking know that im gonna end up shit, dirt, nothing. lower than what i feel right now is my future.

in this all, i've lost myself, i have no clue where i've gone.
i dont know who this boy is but its not adrian, its not adrian.

i always tried to hide it with my hand. but at least it was there.
you said i was a cutie for doing that.
i have nothing to cover now.

(Cmt )

read it all please [21 Feb 2007|09:13am]


i am not wonderful. period.
but she is. i swear she is.
i love times when we can just lay down together.
she holds my head close to hers if i feel lame or something, and she holds my face, and looks right into my eyes and says she loves me.
i love her.
i love feeling safe right next to her.
and theres nothing more beautiful than when i look into her eyes, when i see the REAL lesly.
she confuses herself, and she forgets a lot a lot of shit.
she forgets when she spends too much time with me, lately.
thats my fault though.
and she forgets when she spends too much time away.
she used to say that we're being tested, we'll be tested.
we've been faced with a lot of obsticles, but theres no love that comes close to ours.
seven months without arguing?!
we did it to ourselves, but everythings still perfect, i know, it sounds weird, but everything is there.
its a test.
we both have our strengths and weaknesses.
shes always been so much stronger though.
well, matters how you look at it.

i know she loves me, cuz she used to cry.
she used to tell me how scared she was of losing me.
i assured her that i could never do anything to her that was bad, and that if anyone was gonna leave anyone it was gonna be her.
i want her here to make fun of my little dots, or of me, or to call me her litto fishy.
pumpkin.
mijo.
ha, mijo, i love to hear her say mijo, so lovingly.
i swear that this girl is the only girl that can make me smile, although she has made me cry.
she knows me better than anyone, and i gave up a lot for her, as she did as well.
with her i knew i had everything that i needed.
she needs a bit more though, and im fine with that.
as long as we can still love eachother.
shes beautiful, but that word is overused, i tell her that too much, and they seem worn out. but, love, still means the same thing, and she knows i love her.
i swear i'll show her everything i said i would.

right now, im back to being sick.
its been a long time since i threw up because of shit.
i couldnt take it today.
but i know she loved me because she cried, cried cuz she was afraid, cuz she needs me, cuz she loves me, cuz she just wanted to hold me close.
when the weight of the entire world comes down on me, i tend to let it.
i just wanna go home my love.

(Cmt )

[20 Feb 2007|11:00pm]
why is it that i dont want anyone to hurt?
why cant i be dick?
i only try and make you feel good.
im sorry for loving you
im sorry for being too fucking nice
im sorry that all my words and all my actions mean shit now
because at one time they meant the world to you, but they are used now, been there done that.
the words that made you feel wonderful, are now cliche.
water.
shit.
nothing.

sorry for trying to always be there.
for always trying to make you feel loved.
for listening.
for always trying to make you feel good about yourself.

and im especially sorry that that stuff doesnt mean anything anymore.


sorry.
fucking sorry.

sorry to anyone who ever gave a shit about me.

im fucking sorry about everything that is adrian and everything that he fucking stands for.

i love you

(Cmt )

[19 Feb 2007|11:45pm]
its adrian mija, im sorry that im adrian though :( i wish i were someone better for you and everyone.
im sorry that im living for those few seconds when you say "i love you...i miss you...i need you"
im sorry that thats the only thing going for me in my life.
im sorry for being the boy that i am.
im sorry its hard for me to remember during times like these, can you blame me?
i like to go back to a bad journal post cuz it says "i swear to god i love you"
and i can truely say that your love is the only thing in this world to ever make me genuinely happy.
please dont hate me for loving you.
thats the complete truth, i love you.
im sorry for that.
this appology is for everyone.

i know what they think of me, if they think of me, im a nusence, a bother, a chore.
i never layed a hand on anyone, denied anyone of comfort, help, money, simple words.
that doesnt matter anymore, it didnt mean shit to them, it didnt mean shit to anyone.
how do you make friends? i forgot.

i make myself sick.

(Cmt )

[14 Feb 2007|11:34pm]
i loved the little stuffed animal that i got :)
and i love the little fishy that i got :)
love it love it.
the only time im happy during the week, is when im with you.

i hope you mean every word of what you say mija.
i dont know whats up with me.
remind me about everything.
im sorry my love.

(Cmt )

[11 Feb 2007|12:25am]
sorry im not enough.
sorry for everything im not.

i feel like shit.
im going to bed.

((3) | Cmt )

[06 Feb 2007|09:52pm]
fear.
ocd.
stress.
shit.

(Cmt )

[04 Feb 2007|02:17am]
she did great today at alice.
for the most part, today was alright i guess.
could have been way better.
i hate this empty feeling.
i hate having to remember, i just wanna have her so i can know.
but her reminding me, is the only thing thats gettin me by right now and she knows that.
im trying really hard to be patient though.
but i miss her so much, even though, really, we still act the same.
i miss her, still.
i just wanna go to sleep, and not wake up till this is all over.
she really does mean the world to me.

i love her more than anything in this world.
i love her.
and for a while today, i held her close.
and i was safe.
i felt safe.
but now, i just have the rest of the week ahead of me.
to feel scared.
a whole week, i hate that feeling.

i just wanna be right next to her again.

lesly, i love you mija.

(Cmt )

[03 Feb 2007|10:43am]


feb. 3rd

first day of my life.
glad i didnt die before i met you.

today, so far, has been horrible.

i hate myself. like, with a passion.

no one is gonna read this either.

((1) | Cmt )

[02 Feb 2007|04:59pm]
today was horrible.

feb. 2nd.

i love you lesly limon. dont forget that, ever.

we've been waiting so long for this.

no body is gonna read this either.

(Cmt )

[01 Feb 2007|07:17pm]
im scared.
eating with jon and kheirsty after school made me sick.
they did the little pinky promise thing, when they kiss their hand.
my mom found out about me ditching, i dont care.
had to call my algebra teacher cuz i have a 27, i dont care.
what i care about right now, is that les is doing good at alice right now, and that everything will be ok.
please, please.

its feb. 1st

my throat hurts, and no one is gonna read this.

(Cmt )

[22 Jan 2007|04:38pm]

when i say i love this girl.
i mean EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WORD OF IT.
NOTHING, or NO ONE could ever EVER compare to her.
EVER.
or i wouldnt be so scared right now.
i wouldnt wake up at six in the morning to go throw up.
i would have been able to eat the passed few days.
if i didnt absolutly adore her, than last night would have been just another night.

Lesly i SWEAR to you, that YOU are my world. my WORLD. mijita. you see how much i love you you fucking see how much i love you. and believe me when i say that NO girl could ever compare to you, or else, i wouldnt be here. writing this. STILL feeling sick. now even more sick. sick. sick. sick.

remember last night when i told you "i could die right here" i meant it i told you "if i cant have you in my life tomorrow then please just let me die right here,happy, please." i told you to look into my eyes and i told you that i'd do anything for you, anything at all. I SWEAR, that you are the ONLY girl i'd ever do anything for.

YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL THAT I LOVE. THE ONLY GIRL I WILL EVER LOVE. THE ONLY GIRL FOR ADRIAN CRAVER CABALLERO IS LESLY LIMON. THATS THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THATS THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THATS THE WAY IT IS. IF I CANT HAVE LESLY THAN I DONT WANT ANYONE. I JUST WANNA BE NEXT TO HER. CUZ IM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW. I WANNA FEEL SAFE, RIGHT NEXT TO HER. SAFE.




THIS IS TRUE. THIS IS LOVE. THIS IS HOME. THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I FEEL SAFE AND THATS THE ONLY PLACE I WANT TO BE.

lesly and adrian love eachother and theres nothing that can ever get in our way, NOTHING, NO ONE. no one can keep me from the love of my life. i cant ever lose her. i cant ever lose her. i cant ever loser her. i cant ever lose her.

(Cmt )

[17 Jan 2007|10:43pm]
the girl who made me feel happiness
the girl who makes me smile, like no one ever has.
the girl who makes me laugh, like no one could ever do.
the girl who means everything to me.
she feels lame.
i want her to feel better.
i'm her adrian.
hers hers, all hers.
i wanna make her feel special again.
if she only knew what i felt. really knew.
i wish she saw what i see.
i wish she felt what i feel.
please god, help her.

(Cmt )

[17 Jan 2007|04:14am]
here i am again.
waiting for the clock.
4:10
i hate this feeling.
please god, please.
i just want it to be 7:30 already, so i can call my love.

(Cmt )

[16 Jan 2007|06:23pm]
haha dude
even though i felt lame. straight up, i feel great.
this is my first test. thats how i see it.
in my eyes, i passed.
this is the first time i've been able to tell myself "dude, chill haha. you're so stupid sometimes.".
and feeling like everything will be alright, is the best feeling in the world.
losing the girl you love with all of your heart for something you'll realize was dumb later, totally not worth it.
losing the girl you love with all of your heart for something that you already know is dumb, idiotic.
haha straight up. i trust her, and i love it.
i mean, i'll still have my threats, and i know their are better people than me, i know it, but as long as i have my gummy bear, and i can take care of her, it's all good.
no body said that this stuff was easy. no one ever has. they've only told me it was hard. loving someone unconditionaly is hardwork, but i've got the key on my keychain and i think im gonna go ahead and use it.
i donno why this makes me feel great :D
i've proven this to myself.
thank you thank you.

i had these sick surges of "i love lesly limon" attacks today. through out the entire day.
i miss her so much.
so so much.
i wanna give her a hug and a kiss :D

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